Blondie...

One thing I love/hate about Gmail is how much storage it has...AND how it sorts emails by 'conversations'. Blondie and I have soo many gmail conversations...hundreds since gmail started. I just spent the last hour torturing myself by reading over many of these emails...God, as I go thru all of these emails, it looks to me like we have an epoch love story in the making...how could he want it to be over? aarrrghhh. I just need to quit being such a sniveling, pathetic freak and get over him already.

I have had so many fun experiences lately that have helped me get my mind off blondie...I mean one of a kind, amazing, unlikely and unexpected experiences...hahaha...(yeah trevor, i'm talking bout your contribution, my friend...thank you). And I also now have my hands on paints, paper, brushes and pencils...again thanks to trevor. Good times. I've also got my constant companion Robert, who has probably done more in terms of time spent to be a good friend and help me get over blondie than everyone put together...So I actually don't have many reasons to spend nights like this anymore...I have people who will keep me busy and I have activities and work that do the same thing. But I fucking miss Blondie so bad, I am stoopid. I totally need to find a way to make it past this for more than 1 or 2 days at a time. I was pretty good till tonite...nitetime is the worse.

I haven't actually spoken to blondie for over a month...only IM and email. I want to hear his voice again. I look at that hot pic of his mouth, and I realize yet once more that I am just not ready to let go...and it's obvious that I need to be. Another fucking live meltdown....Oh, it hurts...


Whats playin on my playa tonite: Remain Relaxed -- Karate
Absolute Zero Drive -- Hey Mercedes
A Dozen Roses -- Braid
Tiny Cities Made of Ashes -- Modest Mouse
Roses In The Car (Remix) -- Braid
A-List Actress -- Hey Mercedes
Beautiful World -- Rage Against the Machine
Prevent This Tragedy -- Alkaline Trio