The Break, The Sequels

Blehhh. It is so hard to make the 'break'. Its time, though. This has been hard on our mutual friends, his family, my mom, and us. This is confusing and seriously torturous to me, and maybe to him too. And most of all, I don't want to hurt him again ever. So I realize there is no other good choice but for me to deal with this breakup, and let go already so we can move on with our lives separately, and...its so fucking hard to do that I almost can't even type it...goddam I fucked up things so bad. fuck. I am so angry with myself.

I never meant to hurt you, blondie.

I think I just want to be left alone for a bit. Although one of my friends from back east is coming to visit me in a couple of days...I will likely burden her with my misery the way I did Trevor. But he hugged me, gave me flowers, chocolate, painted an amazing piece of art for me and told me he loved me. It did make me feel stronger to know that he will still be a part of my life. Sometimes I feel like my whole world will be ripped away from me if I let go of blondie. And that isn't true. I've got true friends that I've known before blondie that have been here for me, and they are my blood now. They are my life.


Songs I'm crying to tonite: Homesick -- The Cure
----: Alive -- VHS Or Beta
----: Nothing Better -- The Postal Service
----: Pitseleh -- Elliott Smith
----: You -- Radiohead
----: Every Thug Needs A Lady -- The Alkaline Trio
----: Love Will Tear Us Apart -- Joy Division
----: Like The Angel -- Rise Against
----: Everything Reminds Me Of Her -- Elliott Smith
----: Everything Means Nothing To Me -- Elliott Smith
----: A Movie Script Ending -- DCFC
----: Smoke -- The Alkaline Trio
----: Stockholm Syndrome Interlude -- Blink 182
----: I Better Be Quiet Now -- Elliott Smith

Songs I'm feeling stronger to (or at least not crying to):
----: Crawl -- The Alkaline Trio
----: Hating in "D" -- (?) -- Some Songs From The Kill Rock Stars Singles
----: Line & Sinker -- Billy Talent
----: Wake Up, Decide -- Karate
----: Wishful Thinking -- Wilco
----: Soothe -- Smashing Pumpkins
----: In Cairo -- Hot Hot Heat
----: It's True That We Love One Another -- The White Stripes

GD, I cannot help thinking how incredibly ridiculous I am right now...I am so pathetic and he is so strong and focused on getting on with life. I'm ready to do that too, kinda (that is always a bad sign...usually happens that a sequel follows "kinda").

I just pray to the Blog Godz that blondie remains much too busy and important to find this piece of shite, whiny-azz, ridiculously sad blog, cuz there is likely much more to add. I will never be over that guy.

Why are my memories of our time together so intense? I wish I could put them to sleep...