Hopeless? Or Hella Brilliant?
Ok, so maybe I am hopeless. Not hardly a day goes by without me starting an IM conversation with blondie. Robert (a Very, Very, Very, VERY nice person, he wanted me to tell all three of you readers), feels the need to give me another slap for this. I am thinking most days that it is ok...cuz I think now I have come to terms with the fact that I am no longer going to be blondie's. But I am ok with keeping the friend thing alive...although it is me who is doing all of the heavy lifting so far. So, in the course of me IMing blondie, he has gotten much more normal, and less guarded. True, I always had to be the first one to say hi, but he never seemed annoyed that I contacted him, and most times, we chat for hours. I dunno what to think about the whole thing...I can't say it has been bad at all for our 'friendship'...so if friendship is the goal, then this is nothing short of being hella brilliant...lol
No seriously, wtf do you do in a situation like this? I miss him something fierce. And I know he is not over me, and says stupid things like he will come visit me in a few months...very stupid, but I think its indicative of how he still feels. And he spends so much time with me online. I dont expect to ever see him again, regardless of what he says, but I do not understand why I should let a basically decent friendship go down the drain just because I have had to be the one to start conversations with him so far? Things have only gotten better, and I've also gotten to a point that I'm not so stoopid about not being his, so conversations are taking on a fun tone again. I wont be able to chat with him next week cuz he will be out of town...actually here in the states to visit his family and then on a work related trip. So if I fall apart, this will be why...however, I am feeling just fine...thank you.
Excellent tunes currently playing on my playa: Love Will Tear Us Apart -- Joy Division
--------------------------------: Love Will Tear Us Apart -- Fall Out Boy
--------------------------------: NARC -- Interpol
--------------------------------: Alone in Kyoto -- Air
No seriously, wtf do you do in a situation like this? I miss him something fierce. And I know he is not over me, and says stupid things like he will come visit me in a few months...very stupid, but I think its indicative of how he still feels. And he spends so much time with me online. I dont expect to ever see him again, regardless of what he says, but I do not understand why I should let a basically decent friendship go down the drain just because I have had to be the one to start conversations with him so far? Things have only gotten better, and I've also gotten to a point that I'm not so stoopid about not being his, so conversations are taking on a fun tone again. I wont be able to chat with him next week cuz he will be out of town...actually here in the states to visit his family and then on a work related trip. So if I fall apart, this will be why...however, I am feeling just fine...thank you.
Excellent tunes currently playing on my playa: Love Will Tear Us Apart -- Joy Division
--------------------------------: Love Will Tear Us Apart -- Fall Out Boy
--------------------------------: NARC -- Interpol
--------------------------------: Alone in Kyoto -- Air
posted by Jenn at 9:30:00 PM
33 Comments:
OK, Mr. Wonderful. I am a blondie-aholic...I'm starting to get withdrawals. Slapping only seems to be making me loopy enough to continue the addiction. We need to find another strategy.
okay i'm reading your blog from the beginning *wave* and i only have one question but you MAY have answered it.
what actually happened?
also? i have a guy like that... and i never ever had a date with him.
hey sass...well, its a long story. something happened long before i met blondie, and i just didn't give him the details of it...then when it came out, he was hurt and he was done with me.
although i STONGLY disagree with his stand, i respect it just cuz i always respect someone with standards...but goddam if he isn't taking things too far with this. i just don't think he realizes it...i've tried to help him understand, but i think it's just a matter now of me appreciating the time that we had together and just letting him go...sigh.
i'm sooooooo sad about this.
that sort of thing pisses me off.
like, for example, i'm divorced but it happened like eight years ago and frankly it's not even in my current consciousness anymore. if someone said to me 'have you ever been married' i would of course answer but it's not necessarily something i would bring up on a first date.
and i could totally see that pissing someone off. (course i told the world i had an STD just so i wouldn't have to see one person's face...)
i'm sad that he doesn't choose to try to understand.
hilarious about the STD move....
but i know...our life together was soooo perfect. he was so happy. you could just see it in his eyes. WHY doesn't he try to understand??? i just don't get it....and i'm out of guesses.
that doesn't make any sense to me either... i mean people have history, it's what makes them them. if you aren't willing to see that i just can't get it.
that said, did you willfully mislead or lie or did you just fail to tell him something you didn't consider that important. cause if you were willfully misleading that's at least a LITTLE understandable.
well....oh gosh.
so i lied to him...there were good reasons. but it was apparently the unforgivable sin.
i understand his stand. it was a pussy-ass thing for me to do.
but then again, i don't understand. people forgive a lot bigger things than this.
bigger things = he forgave an old gf for cheating on him...this is NOTHING near that...just something that happened long before i met him.
that sucks dude. i mean i've for sure told lies that i went on and regretted for years afterward and it fully sucks that you have to pay this hard for it.
you would think you would at least get a strike or two.
the only thing that i don't like on his part? it seems awfully hrm... drastic. like will he always be that judgemental?
he's fucking soooooo judgemental...
sad thing is, i loved that about him. i totally see kids now just never standing up for shit. and he did. so...goddam, i have to respect that he has a spine...but like i said, he's taking this too far, IMO.
and he's sad w/o me. fucking serves him right for not giving me a couple of strikes. i think i might have been the love of his life too.
you make me want to take a long drive and sit down in front of a certain friend of mine and just say 'okay buddy, it's put up or shut up time'
or something.
i never met anyone like my friend for just sheer suiting me perfectly. and yeah, then you have to wonder, is it just me?
yeah dude...you should totally talk to him. he's prolly just waiting for you to make the first move.
i know... i thought i was over him and then he came to visit some friends and i for christmas and bang. there is was again.
but it's a scary scary thought and if i do it wrong...
whatever...there is no right or wrong...just what is...
so either he digs you or not...there is nothing to do wrong...and it sounds like there is some kinda spark happening there. (i.e. Bang!!!) you know he's feeling it too..
i say go with it!
<-- coward
hahaha...ummmm....just maybe make it light. like maybe just tell him that you've been sweet on him for years...and see where it goes??
actually it's been a little less than a year... and i've known him for a year or so...
sweet thing...don't get caught up in the semantics...go talk to the little shit...have fun with it...keep it light and just let him know...nothing creepy or heavy, just make a bold move.
oh be quiet *grin*
it's hard to just go talk to him, i have to arrange a weekend visit you see... (he lives about 5 hours from me and in another country)
uhhhhh...dude....who are you talking to here???
be gone...plan weekend trip...shoes!
ironically we wear the same shoe size *lmao*
i'm curious about your long distance experiences because most people i know haven't done it or 'know people' but there's no one to really talk to straight about it.
hardest thing is the weekend disruption and expense. other than that, for me and blondie, we're both such workaholics that it didn't affect our weekdays that much...we would IM and email each other while at work and when we got home and worked some more...but the weekends....well, then we had to decide who was going to visit and the whole thing got pretty expensive...
but that said...if something is really special, you just go with the inconvenience till things iron themselves out...and they do.
don't be scared little girl (hehe). just go pick up your shoes and sometime while you're there and talking about what a great friendship you have, just mention that you are kinda sweet on him.
oh shut up
*sulk*
it's scary and i'm a coward... but i am resolved nonetheless :)
awwww...dont sulk
just think about it...if he's perfect for you, it'll all turn out good.
i kinda had this conversation with trev before i met blondie. and thing is, even tho nothing came of it (my choice), it wasn't even really embarassing or anything cuz we connect so well...so now we just both know that if we're ever single at the same time maybe we should think about doing something. not gonna happen for reasons i mentioned before...but point is, it wasn't bad at all to bring it up...it won't be bad for you either.
you know i don't actually get why you and trev don't hook up. i mean it seems like y'all have everything including spark.
is there a reason other than not wanting to wreck a friendship that you don't do it?
as for my friend? i think you're right about that, so far we're strangely honest with each other and i don't see why that would change even if we didn't get together. i just need resolution and all the deciding to move on in the world didn't do shit.
well sweetie...maybe the thing to do is just make yerself a regular at zappos.com. buy shoes and go down and pick them up...dont say anything to your friend this time...just kinda look for ways you can do it NEXT TIME...order more shoes, send them to his place again...and then just let things flow. i'm not so sure that resolution is really the thing you need...prolly more just comfort. like feeling that you won't be rejected if you say what you feel. so get comfortable with talking with him in person again...and when it feels right, just say it...no big.
and trev and i have all that it takes to be a good couple...spark, connection, yada yada. but i dunno...he's an artist...like fully. and i tend to be stalked by artist types if we ever break up. not that trev would ever do that, but i still carry that fear around, and i know it would cause problems...so i really love that we're such close friends. plus i'm soooo not over blondie.
oh darlin' i wasn't implying at all that this was the time for you to be with trev... just that maybe y'all should actually consider trying it when you're healed and he's single. especially since it sounds like his current is just a time filler anyway.
as for mine, it only takes ten minutes to an hour to be 'us' again and i'm fairly resolute that i'll say something next time i'm in the same room as he is.
fairly *Grin*
well gosh...i hope you do. it sounds like such a perfect thing. so excited for you!!!
and one thing i've seen over the past couple of years...guys are sometimes really, REALLY afraid of bringing this stuff up with girls, and it's just not always bad at all to bring this up yourself...sooo just remember that if you DONT bring it up, you will have me to deal with ;)
that word perfect bugs me but yeah. 34 years i've met one man that i feel that way about. one.
i owuld love it if i had someone egging me on to do something. my friends are all SO tired of hearing about this and yet for me THAT it's lasted this long is actually the sign i should go for it.
if that makes any sense.
totally makes sense...dude, PLZ go for it...let me know how it turns out.
will do :)
damm i've been nervous for days....
hehehe....wouldn't be worth it if you weren't a little nervous ;)
well yes that's true...
i love that this post had 2 comments in it and then 2 months later it hits 33 in a day!
Post a Comment
<< Home