Saying Goodbye

I'm starting to realize that keeping a 'friendship' with blondie has been a painful exercise of continually tearing out the sutures helping to heal my broken heart.

There is no positive spin I can put on not being with him. And there is nothing I can do to keep our relationship alive.

But I will never give up, never stop loving him. There was something so comfortable and perfect about our interaction with each other. No one can ever replace that. There are no other 'blondies' out there for me, as a dear reader commented a few days ago.

But our new 'friendship' is not a friendship at all. Our history has been erased and we have no past to use as a basis for communication. We have self-inflicted amnesia, which makes a long distance friendship nearly impossible. So I am letting go...I am saying goodbye.

Before I completely bury all memories of us (to exhume only in my old age), I want to remember all the good times we had. They were almost all good. Until I fucked things up. Wish I could fix things. I still have so many things I want to share with him. But I know it's foolish to try.

I will adore you until my dying day, blondie. I'm so sorry for hurting you. Best to you, my love.

...(heaving sobs) i can't breathe. my heart is so heavy.

Songs currently playing: Homesick -- The Cure
-----------------------: Lurgee -- Radiohead
-----------------------: Whir -- Smashing Pumpkins
-----------------------: For Me This Is Heaven -- Jimmy Eat World