1/30/2006

Dropping Out

On my way...feeling a bit crazy. But I'm growing up a little. Right now. Feeling that same feeling I felt on graduation day. That excited/terrified feeling of going out into the world and making my mark.

As of a few hours ago, i made the BIG decision. Left the past in the past. Let go of the pain. Hated it, but became crazy friends with it...a few hours ago, I walked away from it, I let it go. I realized that even tho blondie rejected me, I am still in love. But not necessarily with him anymore. I am in love with the same things I was before I met him. I'm in love with life. In love with what I do for work. Want heartbreak out of my life right now. Things are different. Life has remodeled itself. Done grieving.

Remodeling myself too. Doing the makeover. Letting the old go.
Taking on a real job by day. Producing recurring profit-generating, scalable connection points with cushy exit strategies by night. (haha, yeah baby)
Building a new life. Moving to a new state. Living with new shit. Old shit is staying in Canada. Its settled.

Best times of my life were with blondie. They'll open the way for my new direction. Only happy tears now, if any. Happy that I had the privilege of loving and being loved by the most amazing guy walking the earth right now. I will always cherish our time together. Its tucked away to recall in my old age. The sweetest memories ever to die old with.

In the meantime, I'm dropping out of the grief club. No more wasting my life living in the past. Starting now, I'm following my heart and my intuition. Right now, my love is for my work. Work and my biz is my new relationship. I'll have to spend a lot of time with it, so I'm choosing everything about my work and biz that I love...the same way I will with a guy, when that time comes again. I never settled when I was with blondie, am not going to settle with my work now, and I will not settle in the next relationship I'm in either.

Satisfied. Foolish. Taking on life. Bring It.

6 Comments:

Blogger Lance said...

That is the spirit. Props to you if you can compartmentalize that qucikly and completely. My guess is you've still got some blondie heartbreak bumps in the road still to come. But at least your on the road now.

1/30/2006 08:24:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

robert: yeah, you remember i love evergreens...theres gotta be a reason ;)

lsd: i'm quite sure there are some bumpy times to come. not worried about it.

i'm getting cheesy now, but this is all about love and loss. and i'm sure that without this awful breakup, i would have completely lost focus on my business...when i look back, i see how i completely was letting it slip away. but to ultimately be indie has always been my dream in life, but when i was with blondie, i was letting him take care of me and letting myself just float on. that may be the ideal for a lot of people, but only makes me feel trapped after a while. because i'm still so in love with my work, and can become completely independent within a year, i know walking this road is the right thing.

and i also know that i'll find someone walking the same road that can be my fellow roadtrip buddy.

gonna be bumpy, but at least i finally picked myself up and i'm traveling on the road now.

thanx guys!

1/30/2006 10:23:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ride off into the sunset like Lady Godiva.

Where the hell are my binoculars!

1/30/2006 11:51:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

awesome attitude

wish i had it haha!

1/30/2006 01:09:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

discom: thx :) and uhhhh...horse?

alt: hahaha...dear god.

elle: thank you. and you've got plenty of attitude...you don't need mine ;)

1/30/2006 01:30:00 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

good girl

now instead of saying it. MEAN IT.

:)

1/30/2006 05:15:00 PM  

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