smack flowing thru my veins
so...i IMed blondie tonite.
i want my box back.
no other motives. (...)
we had an ugly post-post breakup blowup a couple of weeks ago which pretty much paralyzed me emotionally. i couldn't write, couldn't talk about feelings at all.
because of the blowup, he wouldn't talk to me at first tonite. but then i told him i don't know what happened last time we chatted, but i'm sorry for how it went down, and i just wanted to pin down the logistics of how i'm gonna get my box from him when he gets back to chicago.
took him a while, but he finally replied...then we chatted for an hour or so...about me, about him, work, conferences, being sick of making other people rich (i.e. being indie)
i told him about the dream i had about his family. he said it was the lamest dream ever...hahahaha...nothing mean.
he started out chilly...but it ended up as a normal conversation...and like after a while we were busy with other things and weren't chatting anymore...but, just like he's done for the past couple of years, when he was ready to log off, he told me good nite first...
actually this time he told me "ttyl". and he does/says EVERYTHING on purpose.
i guess i will talk to him later.
i can breathe/write/smile/focus now...got my smack
still so pathetic...and still can't be helped. i dunno...this is fucking stupid.
i want my box back.
no other motives. (...)
we had an ugly post-post breakup blowup a couple of weeks ago which pretty much paralyzed me emotionally. i couldn't write, couldn't talk about feelings at all.
because of the blowup, he wouldn't talk to me at first tonite. but then i told him i don't know what happened last time we chatted, but i'm sorry for how it went down, and i just wanted to pin down the logistics of how i'm gonna get my box from him when he gets back to chicago.
took him a while, but he finally replied...then we chatted for an hour or so...about me, about him, work, conferences, being sick of making other people rich (i.e. being indie)
i told him about the dream i had about his family. he said it was the lamest dream ever...hahahaha...nothing mean.
he started out chilly...but it ended up as a normal conversation...and like after a while we were busy with other things and weren't chatting anymore...but, just like he's done for the past couple of years, when he was ready to log off, he told me good nite first...
actually this time he told me "ttyl". and he does/says EVERYTHING on purpose.
i guess i will talk to him later.
i can breathe/write/smile/focus now...got my smack
still so pathetic...and still can't be helped. i dunno...this is fucking stupid.
posted by Jenn at 10:05:00 PM
7 Comments:
hey dude
you and your smack are going to be living in the same town again how soon?
wait i'm assuming you're in chicago but i'm willing to be wrong :)
oh man...i made plans to move to maine where my biggest client is...before i knew blondie was moving back...i'll be moving next month...he won't be coming back till april.
and seriously, right now i'm not sure that i could see him w/o sobbing...and wtf is with the tears?? i'm soooo NOT a crier, but i'm totally messed up over him. so i'm kinda glad i'm gonna be in maine. he'll just have to ship my box to me...as for the rest of my shit...so far, it looks like it's prolly gonna get donated to charity (or my old landlord) unless i do some better fundraising than i have...lol
Lumberjack Grrl.
When you get to Maine, you can send me some Maple syrup flapjacks and a live lobster.
Your milestones are no different that mine. You just need to remember all the ones that you have already successfully passed and that will help you get past the few more that are ahead of you.
and remember.."Smack is Wack!"
Jenn- First time to your site. I haven't read many of your posts yet but I can say a few things for certain.
1. Having your heart ripped out of your chest and stomped on by someone comes with having a heart. It does eventually get better. I couldn't function for an entire year after one of my relationships expired. Funny because we only dated for 6 months.
2. Maine is a good choice. I lived there for a summer and really loved it. I saw Wilco play at the State Theator in Portland. They were excellent. The next night was Gomez but I couldn't get tickets to that one. That town is alright! Also, if your at all into hiking your in a very good place.
alt....hahahahahahahahahaha...my new motto..."smack is whack"....the best
and i'm really trying to do this...i think things will improve when i move...and wow, i just moved from canada...the land of maple syrup...loved it...now i am moving to another maple syrup mecca...oh gosh, i'm so excited.
maybe i'll send you something a little less perishable ;)
or you could prolly always come on over to visit me for maple flapjacks for breakfast and live lobster for dinner...i dunno
hiya lsd...so glad you stopped by.
word on the heart...i did have one...not sure its beating anymore...but bah...
anyhoo, my client is in portland...i will be a few minutes outside of portland...and WILCO...they're from chicago...it's sooo good to think portland might have a decent music scene like chicago...and hiking...yes.
smack IS wack. (haha, fred's hilarious.)
i wish i had something uplifting to say, but i'm in a funk. i'd love some smack, but it's not even available for me. i think my dealer died or something.
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