1/14/2006

Fuzzy Reflections

i think sometimes people use excuses as to why they are so judgemental. sometimes i think they judge others harshly when they see a faint reflection of something they don't like about themselves in the other person.

today i'm feeling hurt...and feeling angry cuz i just do not get why blondie wouldn't want to work things out with us. feeling pissed at the world cuz i didn't find anyone i fully loved and connected with till blondie.

i'm fucking pissed that if i want to be with someone that i will have to settle...i'm fucking PISSED about that!! i've always settled. until i met blondie. he was 'the one'. i used to date so much before i met blondie that i feel like i have dated EVERY guy...and blondie was so much different/better than anyone i ever met and/or dated.

i guess i'm even kinda pissed that i'm gonna be alone, cuz i fucking won't settle. been there done that...fuck no. never again. i will miss being naked in bed with someone, miss weekends together, miss all the fun private and public couple stuff.

fuck...i only just miss blondie. i dont really miss any of that stuff without him being the one i do those things with. goddam.

why the fuck can't i sleep in on weekends without him? i HATE that!

Tunes playing this morning:
Maps -- Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Silent Fighting -- Nada Surf
The View -- Modest Mouse
May Nothing But Happiness Come Through Your Door -- Mogwai
Wills Dissolve -- Isis

11 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I became a different person due to being with K. I've learned many things about myself since she left.

What happened before no longer applies because I'm not the same person today.

I don't think that you are either. Don't let the past cloud your attempts at the future.

It's hard. But it's necessary.

1/14/2006 01:26:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

thing is, interested guys are everywhere i look! it's fucking like flies on shit...i guess its cuz it's very obvious that i'm not interested so i'm a 'challenge'...

and i sooo disrespect them all. like, if that is my future then i dont want it.

sigh...

1/14/2006 01:54:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I want I can't have. What I can have, I don't want.

It's par for the course right now. It'll change. It always does.

Can I get a Hell yeah!

1/14/2006 02:38:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

hahaha...
*weak hell yeah*

1/14/2006 02:43:00 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

haha, jenn. you just whispered "hell yeah." that's hilarious.

dude, i totally feel your pain. this stuff sucks. i keep telling myself, "great relationship, bad break." it's like the worst ending to a great movie--and then it makes the entire movie suck. but what alt was saying is right. you are a different person now. you are stronger, and continuing to get stronger/ more aware of what your needs are. focus on your needs. because the truth is (and i have to say this to myself all the time), he was not meeting your needs. if he could just end a good relationship without really trying to fix the problems you had or talk them out, then that's not okay. that's not meeting your needs. you want someone who will do whatever it takes to have you in their life. you want someone who doesn't judge. you want someone who loves you as you are RIGHT NOW. because YOU deserve that. you deserve better than what he could offer you right now. yes, that may change with time, and he may change. but he may not. and i don't want my pxxi buddy getting stuck with someone who isn't obsessed with every little last irresistable piece of her. even the flaws and issues. cause we've all got them. and it's exactly what you said...people accusing others of their issues really have the deepest issues themselves.

now, for real--HELL YEAH. [scream]
xo!

1/14/2006 03:21:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

*sobbing...but hopeful sobs*

thank you guys...and caro...everything you said is just what i want...and what he wouldn't/couldn't do.

almost ready to let go...almost

1/14/2006 03:35:00 PM  
Blogger Lisa V said...

I'm not sure as to the details because you write vaguely like myself. Don't be so down on the "other fish" out there. It's when you fully get over this one and stop caring that out of the blue a certain fish will start to seem a little more interesting than the others and will convince you that there are still "great ones" out there. Don't be absolutist- there is no "ONE" person for each of us. You need to have patience and conviction. There will be another. There always is. I married mine, and he came years after I wrote about losing the "love of my life".

1/14/2006 03:50:00 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

i'm here for you. you are my inspiration. remember that...!

1/14/2006 03:54:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

LisaV: so good to hear from you. and thank you. i like the picture you paint...but i guess maybe i'm not patient. and i can't stop remembering blondie. aarrrrrgggghhh!

and i talk like i'm a hard-azz...but i'm really just scared, and pissed, and miss him so much. i know i just gotta find a way to look past this shit somehow.

caro: xo...you're MY inspiration!

not sure if i asked you this before, but do you know Estelle's bar, right around the corner from the blue line Damon stop in Wicker Park/BT? tonite would be the perfect nite to go there and have a girls nite...would love to drink with you there someday. had a lot of girls nites there when blondie moved to canada...good times.

1/14/2006 04:25:00 PM  
Blogger Caro said...

i think i know of estelle's. i never hung out there, but it sounds like fun. let's meet there sometime. a girls night, for sure!

1/14/2006 11:16:00 PM  
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10/05/2013 09:24:00 AM  

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