3 Things I've Learned About My Breakup: PXXI Day 2/2
Interestingly, pxxi has really done a lot for helping me settle down my wigginess over my breakup with blondie. i've had a few ugly meltdowns before and especially during pxxi...and i made it thru all but the last 5 days of no contact...and even tho i'm starting pxxi again, i dont think i really HAVE to. i could just go on from day 16 and get this shiz over with faster...BUT i've learned a few things that are making me want to do this for another 21 days:
i'll be writing less about the brilliance that is and prolly will always be blondie, and more about moving on after this breakup. you all know that i secretly hope to be his again in the future...but honestly, i don't want to be his if i'm still so broken like i am now. i wanna be hot shit again. cuz i don't plan on ever breaking up with him again. wanna see that sweet, pale, wrinkled face with those amazing sparkling blue eyes looking at me when we wake up every morning when we're 80 year old farts.
and i can hear you now saying to yourself that he may find someone else in the meantime....yeah, he might. but one thing i found out when i had to break pxxi to contact him...he hasn't forgotten me. pxxi, even just the 16 days, seems to have been good for him too. he still cares. dont know to what extent. but either way, it doesn't matter. i'm getting my shit together and just hoping for something more for us in the future. we were seriously perfect for each other. just a fucked up circumstance ended our thing. and it hurt him bad. but...
who knows. doesn't matter today really.
Playing right now:
My Coco -- Stellastarr
Down Like Disco -- The Dandy Warhols
Fearless -- The Bravery
1: i can focus on things other than this blasted breakup and actually be happyi'm still so sweet over that guy. and in my case, since i'm not looking to getting into another relationship for a year, at least, i think it's ok. but it's not ok to be a sad, whiney bitch anymore.
2: friends who have done this before and/or friends who are going thru the same thing and are committed to getting over the ex are priceless -- thank you all!
3: the whole erasing thing a la Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is only something that happens in the movies. it's a lot harder in real life.
i'll be writing less about the brilliance that is and prolly will always be blondie, and more about moving on after this breakup. you all know that i secretly hope to be his again in the future...but honestly, i don't want to be his if i'm still so broken like i am now. i wanna be hot shit again. cuz i don't plan on ever breaking up with him again. wanna see that sweet, pale, wrinkled face with those amazing sparkling blue eyes looking at me when we wake up every morning when we're 80 year old farts.
and i can hear you now saying to yourself that he may find someone else in the meantime....yeah, he might. but one thing i found out when i had to break pxxi to contact him...he hasn't forgotten me. pxxi, even just the 16 days, seems to have been good for him too. he still cares. dont know to what extent. but either way, it doesn't matter. i'm getting my shit together and just hoping for something more for us in the future. we were seriously perfect for each other. just a fucked up circumstance ended our thing. and it hurt him bad. but...
who knows. doesn't matter today really.
Playing right now:
My Coco -- Stellastarr
Down Like Disco -- The Dandy Warhols
Fearless -- The Bravery
posted by Jenn at 7:18:00 AM
1 Comments:
hey m! how are things with you, yo?
so re: the forgetting part...i'm not so sure if i want to do the whole eternal sunshine thing...i think i just want to have other things besides memories to occupy my time. my memories of our time together are sweet. its only our time apart that blows.
but i hear ya...sometimes forgetting is the best thing.
i'll be back on yim after work today...ping me if you are.
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