Starting PXXI Day 13: Getting Out Of The Dumps Stage 1
so there is one thing i've always known intellectually, but kinda wasn't wanting to deal with emotionally. it's that i can live without blondie. i have been living without blondie. and i haven't died. i am ok. haven't tried to do anything rash. i'm still ok without him. yeah, yeah, i knew this...and yet i've let myself go into this funky post breakup depression. c'est moi. it just happens. but i gotta do something about it.
so now that blondie is back home (and strangely still logged onto IM)...i know he's safe and i have one less irrational thought to consume me, i'm thinking that more than no contact is necessary now...i'm thinking now it's time for me to start getting out of the dumps. i think i've kinda taken comfort in my tears...as crazy as that sounds...they're the only thing left of our relationship...my painfully vivid, tear-inducing memories of him and of us together.
i am so grateful for the opinions and experiences of others who visit this blog. i've got a lot of things to really think about. like pb mentioned that there may be more than just one ONE...that idea has really been a biggie for me. i know i could find another guy to date and i know i could be happy with someone else. i guess what is holding me back from even wanting to talk to someone with future dating in mind is that blondie has that perfect set of things i always wanted in a guy. i mean, even the stand he's taking now in regards to our relationship makes me respect him. i'm just feeling like, 'ok blondie...enough already. i get it. i learned the lesson. i was a pussy and afraid of everything...and it backfired on me. now i get it. i think you were right to breakup...but theres never going to be anyone for you like me. you can get fat, you can go bald, you can be a loner grump, but your heart is what i love. those blue eyes that opened up let me look deep inside of you. your absolute goodness. your intelligence...your humor...your style...everything inside. and outside. you're beautiful...completely. i want to grow old with you. i want to wake up to your sweet wrinkled face when we're 80.' blah, blah, blah...i know. gosh...ok. so i think blondie's the ONE. BUT...
thru the course of pxxi, i have found that i can survive without him. i knew this before, but pxxi has been making me live it. i don't have to send him endless emails and IMs. i can control that. and i'm ok. i still want to be with him, but i know i dont have to be with him to be happy.
that thought helps get me out of this hella drawn out funk somehow. i dunno, its a good thing tho.
damn i want a dog!
Tunes playing now on my playa:
Ageless Beauty -- Starts
Trial of The Century -- The French Kicks
The Doldrums -- Night Hour
so now that blondie is back home (and strangely still logged onto IM)...i know he's safe and i have one less irrational thought to consume me, i'm thinking that more than no contact is necessary now...i'm thinking now it's time for me to start getting out of the dumps. i think i've kinda taken comfort in my tears...as crazy as that sounds...they're the only thing left of our relationship...my painfully vivid, tear-inducing memories of him and of us together.
i am so grateful for the opinions and experiences of others who visit this blog. i've got a lot of things to really think about. like pb mentioned that there may be more than just one ONE...that idea has really been a biggie for me. i know i could find another guy to date and i know i could be happy with someone else. i guess what is holding me back from even wanting to talk to someone with future dating in mind is that blondie has that perfect set of things i always wanted in a guy. i mean, even the stand he's taking now in regards to our relationship makes me respect him. i'm just feeling like, 'ok blondie...enough already. i get it. i learned the lesson. i was a pussy and afraid of everything...and it backfired on me. now i get it. i think you were right to breakup...but theres never going to be anyone for you like me. you can get fat, you can go bald, you can be a loner grump, but your heart is what i love. those blue eyes that opened up let me look deep inside of you. your absolute goodness. your intelligence...your humor...your style...everything inside. and outside. you're beautiful...completely. i want to grow old with you. i want to wake up to your sweet wrinkled face when we're 80.' blah, blah, blah...i know. gosh...ok. so i think blondie's the ONE. BUT...
thru the course of pxxi, i have found that i can survive without him. i knew this before, but pxxi has been making me live it. i don't have to send him endless emails and IMs. i can control that. and i'm ok. i still want to be with him, but i know i dont have to be with him to be happy.
that thought helps get me out of this hella drawn out funk somehow. i dunno, its a good thing tho.
damn i want a dog!
Tunes playing now on my playa:
Ageless Beauty -- Starts
Trial of The Century -- The French Kicks
The Doldrums -- Night Hour
posted by Jenn at 7:16:00 AM
3 Comments:
haahah discom...yeah, now that's love. i'd love the adorable little shit thru anything...
i'd love you too, but new boy might think that's kinda kinky...
You're OK, Jenn. I understand the weird comfort of grief, surprisingly. It's a nice place to dwell. But you've moved on! Way to go! You're going to be better than fine.
sweet! you're in!
xoxoxo
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