Weak!
So I have like 3 IMs running at all times. I've blocked and unblocked blondie from MSN about 80 times (seriously), and got new user names on the other ones...but there is one that I've used a lot that blondie very, very seldom uses. So I always feel like I can be pretty social with my friends still without the terrible temptation to chat with him. I mean, it's lame, but it works for me.
But a few minutes ago, he logged onto that IM program that he hardly ever uses! What did I do? I WIGGED!! OMG, I completely wigged. I wasn't even tempted to chat with him, I was just so freaked out that he logged on...I tried to ignore him cuz I was busy working on my project...and I almost immersed myself back in the project until...he LOGGED BACK IN!! He must have gotten booted off the first time or something, but goddam. I just had to go invisible, I couldn't deal. I am so fucking WEAK! Why can't I just chill?
But a few minutes ago, he logged onto that IM program that he hardly ever uses! What did I do? I WIGGED!! OMG, I completely wigged. I wasn't even tempted to chat with him, I was just so freaked out that he logged on...I tried to ignore him cuz I was busy working on my project...and I almost immersed myself back in the project until...he LOGGED BACK IN!! He must have gotten booted off the first time or something, but goddam. I just had to go invisible, I couldn't deal. I am so fucking WEAK! Why can't I just chill?
posted by Jenn at 12:39:00 PM
6 Comments:
does it feel like you're seeing a ghost? that's probably what it'd feel like to me. and i'd wig out, too--naturally. the thing that helps me (when i slip), is that i acknowledge what i'm feeling at the moment and use every bit of energy left in me to do something else. to go for a walk. to turn the radio really loud to a really bad song and jump up and down. to invent a new recipe. to do anything for myself. because ghosts make my knees wobble. and that's normal... :-)
oh gosh...it was totally like seeing a ghost. my heart was racing. knees were wobbling. i did have to do something different...called a friend. that helped a lot. but wow...that was crazy.
how is it that you're doing so well with your breakup? how many days now of no contact?
Hi Jenn... I used to panic when I got a phone call with no one on the other end. They were probably phone survey people with delayed responses, but my heart rate would still double. So much that I could feel it!
The best thing to do, I find, is distraction! Do something else! Or else you might find yourself wanting to call him or msg him. (But this was a week ago... so we're stronger than that now). Log out until you're ready to ignore him again. Give yourself a break. Calling that friend was nice. It's not easy, but you're accomplishing the right thing! Imagine another friendly ghost (comprised of all of us bloggers) gently holding you back. =)
Robert...STFU! just kidding...I sooooo heart you.
And PB...your last line is honestly one of the most comforting images I could ever have...that was such an awesome thought...thank you sooo much.
wait, let me check my calendar...holy shit, 20 days. and it's been far from easy. i STILL slip. but i keep telling myself it's normal. any and every feeling is normal. it's what you do with it that makes the difference. so as long as you're doing something for yourself, then you're on the right track.
today i had an embarassing moment at the gym. i was on an eliptical machine, and as i was getting off, i missed the floor, and completely fell on my ass. i laughed, but then sat there for a second and told myself, "there's nothing to do but get up. that's what people do. get up." i felt like bridget jones. just one of those moments.
you're doing great because you're being honest to yourself this entire way through--that has got to count for something. and yes, we blogging ghosts totally have got your back. :-)
wow caro! tomorrow you'll be a pxxi graduate...but you kinda had a head start (c;
its so encouraging to see that you seem amazingly sane and strong...totally encouraging.
funny and awesome bridget jones moment. i gotta remember that.
and i love all my 'spirited' breakup blog friends....
(knee slapper...i know....)
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