Day 6 PXXI Wrap up
Not sure what happened to me today, but I'm deep in desperation mode.
Made a bad decision...read his blog...and he's out of town, i knew there wasn't going to be anything new. Not like i went there to find out what he was up to...i guess i just read it to torture myself...and it did.
This breakup shit is so insane. Just can't believe we're not together anymore...yet that is the reality.
So all i want to do now is be with someone...where did that come from? Until today, I wanted to be alone. Maybe with all of the love with the holidays...hugs and such. Touch me once and I'm a mess. Leave me alone and I'm fine? Am I that weak now?? Or is this a Day 6 commonality?
I know I'll get my shit together soon, and this is not THAT bad...but hmmm...just surprised about this. How's everyone else?
Non - breakup tunes:
For What Reason -- Death Cab for Cutie
secretly, i was so depressed when i heard DCFC finally start to get airplay on the radio after all these years...they're not as indie cool anymore. still love em tho.
Dishes -- Pulp
Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me -- The Smiths
UPDATE: ok...an hour or so later, and i'm feeling a lot better...guess i just gotta expect this crazy rollercoaster to continue on for a while...sick of it tho. i'm pretty much ready to put it all behind me and move on right now.
Made a bad decision...read his blog...and he's out of town, i knew there wasn't going to be anything new. Not like i went there to find out what he was up to...i guess i just read it to torture myself...and it did.
This breakup shit is so insane. Just can't believe we're not together anymore...yet that is the reality.
So all i want to do now is be with someone...where did that come from? Until today, I wanted to be alone. Maybe with all of the love with the holidays...hugs and such. Touch me once and I'm a mess. Leave me alone and I'm fine? Am I that weak now?? Or is this a Day 6 commonality?
I know I'll get my shit together soon, and this is not THAT bad...but hmmm...just surprised about this. How's everyone else?
Non - breakup tunes:
For What Reason -- Death Cab for Cutie
secretly, i was so depressed when i heard DCFC finally start to get airplay on the radio after all these years...they're not as indie cool anymore. still love em tho.Dishes -- Pulp
Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me -- The Smiths
UPDATE: ok...an hour or so later, and i'm feeling a lot better...guess i just gotta expect this crazy rollercoaster to continue on for a while...sick of it tho. i'm pretty much ready to put it all behind me and move on right now.
posted by Jenn at 7:44:00 PM
5 Comments:
Hey Jen:
I'm amazed at your resolve over the past 6 days. From what I hear the first week or so is always the hardest, but then it's possible you'll find some way to replace activities for the times you previously used to remenisce about the schism between you too. I read about your idea of a passionate night of romance, and it kinda scared me because I think it would end up doing more harm then helping. In my opinion, it would just cause another variable to be added to the situation. I know you didn't ask for advice, so you're more than welcome to disregard it. Just remember I'm rootin' for ya!
Your friend,
~Kevin MacLeod
Hi Kevin!
It's always so good to hear from you.
Yeah, so the passionate nite of romance was sooo not my idea...but it did beg the question of whether it would be ok for pxxi or not. I personally couldn't do that without going a little nutz...but having a faceless, "part"less cuddle buddy would be awesome, I think.
And you can give me advice anytime ;)
Thanks for stopping by again!
*hugs*
j
PinkBunny's progress today: Walking on the same spot. Neither good nor bad. Just the same. No feelings.
I'm numb!
Oh! Input on the night of romance: Scary! I think it'd be way too confusing. The cuddling would probably be confusing to me too, since my mind's fragile right now. I wouldn't know how to act or react. But cuddling's nice~ I miss hugs.
pb...thanks for the progress report!
don't know why, but i almost think the numb thing is right...like the correct feeling (or lack thereof) for this stage...gotta find out from nic for sure tho.
i was pretty happy being numb...until xmas. seriously, all the hugs (all of which were totally familial-type hugs) just triggered some weird need to have my heart next to someone else's heart...blondie was the most amazing cuddler, and after a few seconds of cuddling our breathing and heartbeat would match each others...so maybe this is just missing him.
so i think that until i have a better handle on this, i'm going to avoid hugs, cuz it's really put me in desperation mode. so pb, it sounds like you're doing great. this breakup stuff is so hard. but it's good you're doing this before you go back to class with him next week. you'll feel so much more empowered than if you didn't do anything during this time.
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