Confession : Starting PXXI Day 5
Wow! Why does 5 days seem like such a milestone? Could it be because I was a borderline exbf stalker before pxxi?? hahaha...
Oh lord...anyway so I have a small confession to make. I didn't contact blondie or anything like that, and I'm still emotionally dealing ok (at least 1/8 of the time) with this breakup...but it's all about how weak I am either way.
Ok, so during these months of tears, nausea, losing enough weight to look like a toothpick with boobs, and basically only being able to think of how perfect blondie and I were together, all of my friends were so clear that blondie and I were over. And they ALL told me that I needed to not contact him for 'a while'. They said it would help me deal with the breakup better. I asked what 'a while' is, cuz I have actually gone 2 weeks a couple of times without contacting him (and there were no emails in my inbox from him during that time...grrr). Anyway, so the answers they would give me were always tooo crazy for me to even consider. A couple of friends said, 'don't contact your ex for 60 days'. What the fucking fuck??? Are you trying to kill me? HELLS NO!
Other friends said 'sweetie, don't contact blondie for a month. we'll be there for you.' and guess what my answer was to that? again...Hells no!!
I wondered if these people were really my friends. If they actually had their eyes open for the last nearly 2 years of my life since I met blondie and was his. If they really did not realize that blondie was the first person I have ever met that was EVERYTHING I had ever wanted in a guy. I was in absolute bliss with blondie. And the most awesome thing is that I saw the same thing in his eyes when we were together. Yet somehow, I fucked things up, and now I have to deal with the breakup of probably the only perfect relationship I'll ever have.
Anyway, so secretly I realized that my friends might have a point about me not contacting blondie for 'a while'. I mean, I was the only one making the first contact all the time anyway. And that was starting to make me feel desperate. And for me, that is soooo not right, cuz I'm an only child, a freelancer, support and love indie bands, indie farmers/grocers/clothiers (especially bustedtees.com - i wanna be a busted tees girl). I'm normally a very not desperate, independent girl. Sheesh, anyhoo...I digress. So a while ago, nic, a reader of mine left a comment something to the effect of 'It takes 21 days to break a habit. Stop contact with your ex for 21 days. Make him see what he is missing...' ...something like that. AND, for some reason, with this smaller amount of time, I totally saw the light. I've already gone 2 weeks without contacting blondie, surely I can do 3 weeks. No problem (heh). So knowing that I've got a few readers dealing with the same shiz (i.e. ex stalking, crying, not being able to concentrate, serious angst), I decided to really make this 21 day no contact thing a real event, give it a memorable name, reveal my YIM in an effort to be there for anyone who is ready to deal with the emotions brought on by the breakup, to stop the cyber- and stalking thru friends, to stop thinking about him/her all the goddam time, and to finally move on and completely deal with the breakup.
And here we are. Starting Day 5 of PXXI.
And so far, I would have to say that everyone who has been posting comments has done hella good, considering how hard this is. No one has actually broken down and contacted their ex. So PROPS TO YOU ALL! Let's keep doing this thing!
p.s. if you just found the blog and wanna start pxxi, let us know, just start at day one, and you'll get lots of support.
Oops almost forgot to share my morning tunes:
Yesterday Never Tomorrows -- The Stills
Pickpocket -- At The Drive-In
Last Place -- Broken Social Scene
Recycled Air -- The Postal Service
Hotel Tell -- The Sea & Cake
Someone Like You -- New Order
Oh lord...anyway so I have a small confession to make. I didn't contact blondie or anything like that, and I'm still emotionally dealing ok (at least 1/8 of the time) with this breakup...but it's all about how weak I am either way.
Ok, so during these months of tears, nausea, losing enough weight to look like a toothpick with boobs, and basically only being able to think of how perfect blondie and I were together, all of my friends were so clear that blondie and I were over. And they ALL told me that I needed to not contact him for 'a while'. They said it would help me deal with the breakup better. I asked what 'a while' is, cuz I have actually gone 2 weeks a couple of times without contacting him (and there were no emails in my inbox from him during that time...grrr). Anyway, so the answers they would give me were always tooo crazy for me to even consider. A couple of friends said, 'don't contact your ex for 60 days'. What the fucking fuck??? Are you trying to kill me? HELLS NO!
Other friends said 'sweetie, don't contact blondie for a month. we'll be there for you.' and guess what my answer was to that? again...Hells no!!
I wondered if these people were really my friends. If they actually had their eyes open for the last nearly 2 years of my life since I met blondie and was his. If they really did not realize that blondie was the first person I have ever met that was EVERYTHING I had ever wanted in a guy. I was in absolute bliss with blondie. And the most awesome thing is that I saw the same thing in his eyes when we were together. Yet somehow, I fucked things up, and now I have to deal with the breakup of probably the only perfect relationship I'll ever have.
Anyway, so secretly I realized that my friends might have a point about me not contacting blondie for 'a while'. I mean, I was the only one making the first contact all the time anyway. And that was starting to make me feel desperate. And for me, that is soooo not right, cuz I'm an only child, a freelancer, support and love indie bands, indie farmers/grocers/clothiers (especially bustedtees.com - i wanna be a busted tees girl). I'm normally a very not desperate, independent girl. Sheesh, anyhoo...I digress. So a while ago, nic, a reader of mine left a comment something to the effect of 'It takes 21 days to break a habit. Stop contact with your ex for 21 days. Make him see what he is missing...' ...something like that. AND, for some reason, with this smaller amount of time, I totally saw the light. I've already gone 2 weeks without contacting blondie, surely I can do 3 weeks. No problem (heh). So knowing that I've got a few readers dealing with the same shiz (i.e. ex stalking, crying, not being able to concentrate, serious angst), I decided to really make this 21 day no contact thing a real event, give it a memorable name, reveal my YIM in an effort to be there for anyone who is ready to deal with the emotions brought on by the breakup, to stop the cyber- and stalking thru friends, to stop thinking about him/her all the goddam time, and to finally move on and completely deal with the breakup.
And here we are. Starting Day 5 of PXXI.
And so far, I would have to say that everyone who has been posting comments has done hella good, considering how hard this is. No one has actually broken down and contacted their ex. So PROPS TO YOU ALL! Let's keep doing this thing!
p.s. if you just found the blog and wanna start pxxi, let us know, just start at day one, and you'll get lots of support.
Oops almost forgot to share my morning tunes:
Yesterday Never Tomorrows -- The Stills
Pickpocket -- At The Drive-In
Last Place -- Broken Social Scene
Recycled Air -- The Postal Service
Hotel Tell -- The Sea & Cake
Someone Like You -- New Order
posted by Jenn at 7:51:00 AM
7 Comments:
keep it going - you're doing GREAT :)!
you're doing an incredible job. and i'm not just saying that. keep your head up, keep posting, and you'll get through it. i KNOW it.
i'm on day 17 of no contact. i actually had to bring out a calendar to count the days. i can't believe how much better i feel about myself--and that's what this detox is after all. reminding myself everyday that i can choose to be happy. so anyway, now i want to be able to do 60 days. it's empowering. and it's possible. for anyone, not just me. ok, i'm rambling...
Caro!
wow...day 17! awesome job. if i make it to day 17 without doing something rash, it will be a miracle, indeed. j/k. i know we'll all make it cuz if we get weak, we have each other. some days just look so bad...but whatever, i'll do this. i definitely want to say that i feel better about myself too when this is done. you're totally an inspiration.
and hey Robert!! ohhhh how i have missed you. so, in your opinion, is this working?
Congratz, Jenn! I think PXXI is going to be great for you! I might have to restart it later, since I'll be seeing my guy at school, but I think I know what to do now. I got a taste of strength!
I had my friends telling me to cut off contact too, but it also didn't really work until Nic told us. I felt like they wanted to pry a lollipop from my hand. I think we just needed someone who's been there to tell us.
So glad that we've both progressed from that stalker stage where we both felt desperate. Can't wait till the emotional roller coaster takes a break.
Keep posting! Reading your posts gets me through my day. =)
BTW, I have no idea how to YIM you without Yahoo Messenger. I'm a MSN person. I think you can add me though... I subscribed to your blog! (Along with tons of other people >_<) Err... my e-mail starts with "p" and ends with "hotmail.com". Let me know if you can find me!
hey pb!
I think the point of pxxi is more not going out of your way to contact the ex. Like if you see him at school, that can't really be helped, but if you try to bump into him in between classes, or follow him/stalk him in any way, etc, then its not working. But if you remain friendly but obviously not interested in pursuing the relationship if you do happen to run into him, then i think you're still keeping to the spirit of pxxi. And he'll wonder why the f you're so happy and wonder what he was thinking when he gave up on the relationship...
I'll be seeing blondie at conferences, and I've already got a plan on how to do this once I run into him. It does kinda suck to have to run into the ex when they want things over and you want the relationship back, but we're getting stronger by taking this break and taking time to reflect on moving on without them, so you can do this when you start school. You're so much stronger now than when you were before you started pxxi. Go PB!
p.s. i think i'm starting to be this big advice giver because i'm pretty sure that pxxi is giving me some objectivity...plus the fact that i'm gonna be a single bitch for the rest of my life. you'll prolly see me in 30 years on late nite tv...like sue johanson (look her up if you don't know who she is), crusty and giving advice to callers...HAHA!
robert...goddam it! don't break up! cuz HE'LL need pxxi, NOT YOU!! hahaha
j/k sweetie...do what you gotta do, take care of yourself. be careful. remember, no train wrecks is a good thing ;)
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