D2M
Dead to Me...Thats what we used to call people we didn't want in our lives anymore and would never make any effort to contact again....you know, that friend who runs off with your bf/gf; the roommate who never pays their part of the rent on time and/or has crazy parties but never cleans up, owes you money, and secretly moves out while everyone is gone leaving you fucked; or the douchebag person who makes up lies about you and treats you like shit, etc...dead to me. I'm pretty sure that I'm in his D2M file now.
So last nite, while doing some research for a new gig I have, I IMed him about something I'm not really up on, but I knew he would understand a bit better. He gave me some ideas on it, was helpful but gosh, the whole "friendly" thing wasn't there at all. The whole interaction left me feeling about as warm as I do when I check an encyclopedia for information. Just fucking flat. I totally think I'm in his D2M file...gosh...sniff. That makes me so sad.
Thing is, I'm not sure if he's faking that or not cuz it's IM. It's really hard to detect emotion over IM. And I would even feel better if he hated me cuz he would still care...love and hate are so closely related...you almost can't hate someone without loving them (certainly not in all cases, but i'm sure you're feeling me here)...otherwise you just wouldn't let yourself be arsed with any emotion one way or the other for them...
But when I told him I was going to take a gig on the east coast when I'm done here, he asked me who it was with...I didn't expect that. I figured he wouldn't want to know. So I guess that was a plus...and truth be told...i'm kinda so upset about the whole IM experience cuz of the way it ended. So after our little chat we didn't talk to each other for hours, I got to work, and he was working too...entirely normal. But when he logs off, he usually tells me goodnite...and he didn't last nite. And it may have just been an oversight, i dunno...but it's wigging me out for some stoopid reason. Gawd...i'm trying not to let it get to me, I just don't want that to be evidence that he considers me D2him. It's just such a weird thing for him not to tell me goodnite if we've chatted, and I slept so bad cuz it really wigged me. I swear I wish I didn't care about shiz like that...it's terrible. I'm watching myself become this petty, whiney person...bah
For some reason I'm feeling the need for album cover art lately (actually almost any art/photography/music/words), so I've been picking up more CD's again...currently playing on my playa:
Still In Love Song -- The Stills
Let Down -- Radiohead
Near You -- Jeremy
Sister Gone -- Sea Ray
Initiate -- Calla
Hey Boy -- The Blow
So last nite, while doing some research for a new gig I have, I IMed him about something I'm not really up on, but I knew he would understand a bit better. He gave me some ideas on it, was helpful but gosh, the whole "friendly" thing wasn't there at all. The whole interaction left me feeling about as warm as I do when I check an encyclopedia for information. Just fucking flat. I totally think I'm in his D2M file...gosh...sniff. That makes me so sad.
Thing is, I'm not sure if he's faking that or not cuz it's IM. It's really hard to detect emotion over IM. And I would even feel better if he hated me cuz he would still care...love and hate are so closely related...you almost can't hate someone without loving them (certainly not in all cases, but i'm sure you're feeling me here)...otherwise you just wouldn't let yourself be arsed with any emotion one way or the other for them...
But when I told him I was going to take a gig on the east coast when I'm done here, he asked me who it was with...I didn't expect that. I figured he wouldn't want to know. So I guess that was a plus...and truth be told...i'm kinda so upset about the whole IM experience cuz of the way it ended. So after our little chat we didn't talk to each other for hours, I got to work, and he was working too...entirely normal. But when he logs off, he usually tells me goodnite...and he didn't last nite. And it may have just been an oversight, i dunno...but it's wigging me out for some stoopid reason. Gawd...i'm trying not to let it get to me, I just don't want that to be evidence that he considers me D2him. It's just such a weird thing for him not to tell me goodnite if we've chatted, and I slept so bad cuz it really wigged me. I swear I wish I didn't care about shiz like that...it's terrible. I'm watching myself become this petty, whiney person...bah
For some reason I'm feeling the need for album cover art lately (actually almost any art/photography/music/words), so I've been picking up more CD's again...currently playing on my playa:Still In Love Song -- The Stills
Let Down -- Radiohead
Near You -- Jeremy
Sister Gone -- Sea Ray
Initiate -- Calla
Hey Boy -- The Blow
posted by Jenn at 6:43:00 AM
18 Comments:
It takes 21 days to break a habit - if you want to stay friends, I'd cut off contact for 21 days
trust me, I've been there, it's better this way (and you'll be so much closer afterwards)
Make him see HE'S losing something, not that YOU'RE losing something :)
With that mentality... they always come back for more. Trust me. I KNOW.
Hey Jenn:
Friendly-neighbourhood Kevin here. My interpretation on this was that he was upset and some guys handle upset that way, by being cold or "d2m". Might not have been your fault at all!
And the goodnight thing, so many things could have happened. If was true that he had been having a rough day, and it was late enough to warrant for a "brain-dead" state, then it's entirely possible that he just plain forgot. Not simply because your D2H, but rather that his brain was not capable of comprehending anything other than, "Must...sleep."
Just some food for thought! Now onto breakie!
~Kevin
PS. Your comment on my blog really brightened up my day. Thanks, Sunshine. :)
21 days of no contact, eh? hmmmm...veddy interesting.
actually, i think i could do that...i think i will do that starting TODAY...but oh man, the wigginess this will likely produce for the first little bit will be u-g-l-y....but, i know it will definitely affect him...he will feel like he's missing something...HAHAHAHA! (oh my gawd, that was suck an evil little laugh!)
ok...here goes...Blocked. (again)
Hello Kevin,
(former-neighbor-who-i-never-met
-till-i-moved-back-to-the-US-and-have
-only-really-met-thru-blogger-
very-coincidentally)
whew! that was a mouthfull...
Anyways, so I know you're right, as ever. I think he may just have forgot. He always goes to bed late, late.
But it still wigs me...I really need to chill.
mike,
ok...so blondie does not know anything about my blog...are you fucking KIDDING!!! i've been pretty careful not to publicize this in any onine neighborhoods that he would frequent. and i say a prayer to the blog godz every now and again that he won't happen upon it. (hehe) he's such a geek and does not spend time online reading about breakup stuff because it will cause him to 'feel' and he is sooo not about feeling anything. he's all about being a machine now. if he doesn't feel, he can't be hurt. so i think i'm good with him not seeing this piece.
but i will blog my plan and i'm thinking you and whoever else wants to go thru the 21 day cut-off project can come here for support. gawd i'm ready to be over him already...
anyhoo, so about the dating thing...please do me a favor and tell her that you just got out of a serious relationship and that you're in no position now for something serious...but if she'd like to hang out with you so you both have something to do, then that's cool...seriously. this is why...the last thing you want is for her to start ragging in her blog about how you took advantage of her, yada yada. PLZ do me this favor and make sure she knows where you stand, and that she doesn't have any intent to make you fall in love with her...
sigh...ok...LET'S DO THIS!!
OH PB? Are you in??
Go back to where I started blogging my blog hmmm... a YEAR ago.
Went through the worst break up ever.
You'll see my day 1 blog of the 21 days - i'd recommend you do that. Your next 21 blogs should be Days 1 - 21
I'll keep you strong, I promise
k nic...read your blog....amazing that those feelings are so universal. sigh...
gawd, i miss him so bad whenever i take a deep breath i tear up...i've been feeling this funky nausea too whenever i think about us being apart...but i gotta stop this over-emotional shit now.
he's blocked. till 1/11/06. i gotta work for a few more hours, but i'm gonna blog this project from today till the end...but this is good...
fuck.
:) I look forward to reading "day 1" tomorow
It's hard, I'm not saying it's not, I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to text or check in on him. BUT YOU CAN'T. AT ALL. The first week is the hardest, the second week you keep yourself motivated by acknowledging the fact you've already made it a week and you can pull through. Week three you're almost out of the routine, and week 4 you won't even need him. That's when it's ok to start the friendship.
When I did this, I felt stronger a lot like the old me.
Dude I feel like I'm preaching. ACK!
HAPPY THOUGHTS!
:) :) :)
nic! keep preaching...i'm feeling religious ;)
seriously tho, thanks so much for popping in on this shite blog and taking the time to comment...i think your comment is totally going to change my life...as well as a few of my readers, too.
props to ya
hmm... just don't turn into the cold hearted B*tch I seem to have turned into :/
haha!
hahaha...i've always been a cold hearted B in a nice girl's covering...i find it's the best protection against the silly serial broken heart syndrome a lot of girls go thru...this is really my first one since like i was 15.
Wow I somehow slept 12 hours straight and missed all the fun! I wish someone had woken me up... dreaming about my ex isn't exactly comforting sleep, especially if he's also ignoring you in your sleep.
So the 21 days thing. I want to do it too! But, does this mean I can't even check his web site? I haven't called him or texted him since the 15th... does that count? Or will I have to not try to see what he's up to at all?
Wow that takes a lot of self-discipline.
PB!! I'm so glad you finally woke up...dreaming about the ex ignoring you is terrible...
but congrats on not dialing or texting him since the 15th...woooo!
so anyhoo...about the 21 day thing...i dunno, but i'm guessing that would include not checking his site (damn...that's gonna suck for me too), cuz the whole point is to get our shit together instead of living our lives for him...ya know?
eek! this is scary...
DO NOT CHECK ON HIM!
no contact means NOOOOO contact (you'll defeat the whole purpose if you know what he's up to or if he know's what you're up to)
nic,
thx for clarifying...makes perfect sense.
gd this is gonna be hard...i'm kinda feeling emotionally ready to do this, but i can't believe how fing scary this is.
mike and pb...daily progress reports? comment here daily and get either kudos or help?
I'm up for it! Let's do this!
It's about time we focused on ourselves.
It's going to be pretty hard though..... eeeeks....
Nic is great though! We can just leave messages and she'll knock us back on track.
yeah dude...i think we're all set.
excited/scared/ready
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