Getting Over Him : PXXI Starting Day Two
So my feeling starting day 2 of PXXI is that it was harder than I expected yesterday. Like a junkie, right before I went to bed I slipped up and went to his blog. Seems he's going home for the holidays. And I'm so happy for him that he's doing that...but under the circumstances, I didn't really need to know this. I worry a little about our old friends, and stuff (stuff=the girls there in the city who STILL dig him and wouldn't mind hooking up with him). And I guess mostly I'm sad cuz he didn't tell me. He's let me go.
How can I get over him? He is just so different, he cannot be replaced. He was the love of my life. I really miss him bad. I miss his mind. I miss his sense of humor. I miss his beautiful blue eyes, his beautiful face, his sexy voice. Miss his amazing hugs. I miss talking with him. I miss hanging with him. Partying with him. Miss cooking with him. Growing our herb garden together. Miss sleeping with him. Miss everything about him. I'll miss him during xmas and new years. The bad times were never that bad and were very few. And the good times were so good. If not for the circumstance I'm currently in, I think we would have been an epoch love story. I will always heart him. And more than I can express, I miss what might have been...
That said, I am still ready to move on instead of continuing to destroy myself over being apart from him. I honestly worry about becoming a hard person. Most guys dont impress me as having potential for being more than just friends. And I'm not really interested in spending another evening with a guy that bores me. I'm so past that after being with blondie. And it seems the guys who are as brilliant as blondie tend to be socially inept geeks. Gosh, I guess I'll stop here writing about why blondie can't be replaced...just saying that I'll prolly not date someone seriously again. Going out with friends will be good, and I definitely don't want to become a man hater or a love hater. So somehow I have to get blondie out of my system w/o becoming a hard bitch...sigh...holy geezus, i'm so sick of this shite.
Ok, so I gotta get my head together...no IM checking, no checking his sites. Gotta work today, have a meeting to prepare for. Then Trev will be over and that will cause all worldly problems to fade out of existence. He's that good. After he leaves is when this is gonna be a bitch again. So I just gotta put the mouse down and back away from the computer tonite so there will be no temptation. That's all I can do...one day at a time. I'll worry about how to work each new day as it begins. No preplanning other than the rules I laid out for the PXXI purge. It's just too heavy right now to think about tomorrow...I fucking have to make it thru today without thinking about him constantly.
I was so lucky to have him in my life...even for only a year and a half. I'll never forget.
Playing right now:
New Country -- The Dandy Warhols
1x 2x Devastated -- DM3
No Weather -- Stellastarr
Where Is My Mind? -- The Pixies
She's Hearing Voices -- Bloc Party
How can I get over him? He is just so different, he cannot be replaced. He was the love of my life. I really miss him bad. I miss his mind. I miss his sense of humor. I miss his beautiful blue eyes, his beautiful face, his sexy voice. Miss his amazing hugs. I miss talking with him. I miss hanging with him. Partying with him. Miss cooking with him. Growing our herb garden together. Miss sleeping with him. Miss everything about him. I'll miss him during xmas and new years. The bad times were never that bad and were very few. And the good times were so good. If not for the circumstance I'm currently in, I think we would have been an epoch love story. I will always heart him. And more than I can express, I miss what might have been...
That said, I am still ready to move on instead of continuing to destroy myself over being apart from him. I honestly worry about becoming a hard person. Most guys dont impress me as having potential for being more than just friends. And I'm not really interested in spending another evening with a guy that bores me. I'm so past that after being with blondie. And it seems the guys who are as brilliant as blondie tend to be socially inept geeks. Gosh, I guess I'll stop here writing about why blondie can't be replaced...just saying that I'll prolly not date someone seriously again. Going out with friends will be good, and I definitely don't want to become a man hater or a love hater. So somehow I have to get blondie out of my system w/o becoming a hard bitch...sigh...holy geezus, i'm so sick of this shite.
Ok, so I gotta get my head together...no IM checking, no checking his sites. Gotta work today, have a meeting to prepare for. Then Trev will be over and that will cause all worldly problems to fade out of existence. He's that good. After he leaves is when this is gonna be a bitch again. So I just gotta put the mouse down and back away from the computer tonite so there will be no temptation. That's all I can do...one day at a time. I'll worry about how to work each new day as it begins. No preplanning other than the rules I laid out for the PXXI purge. It's just too heavy right now to think about tomorrow...I fucking have to make it thru today without thinking about him constantly.
I was so lucky to have him in my life...even for only a year and a half. I'll never forget.
Playing right now:
New Country -- The Dandy Warhols
1x 2x Devastated -- DM3
No Weather -- Stellastarr
Where Is My Mind? -- The Pixies
She's Hearing Voices -- Bloc Party
posted by Jenn at 6:42:00 AM
5 Comments:
WHY DID YOU LOOK AT HIS BLOG!!
urg.
NEVER AGAIN - see what it did? You were so strong. Look out for yourself, and realize that your heart and mind need a break, and will forget if YOU let them.
Another thing I found helpful (for myself at least) was to be mean to myself about it. He doesn't want you. If he isn't calling me why would I call him. He doesn't deserve to know what I'm doing. He's probably with another girl - if I call he won't answer.
ETC ETC ETC
GET IT!
mike...good to hear that you are doing pretty well with pxxi...i love your strength. it's good to see that, it really helps me. and also, congrats on getting out there and dating.
and nic...gawd, i dunno. seriously i'm like a junkie. so i'm having serious withdrawals. but i know i can do this. and my heart will forget. i just need to chill.
and actually, i like your strategy of getting mean with yourself. just thinking like that totally turns things around. makes me kinda feel like its my decision to not have contact with him instead of feeling like i'm entirely under his influence...it's always been in my hands, but just being so fucking heartbroken has just made me feel like he held all the cards. he doesn't tho.
this shit is wicked brutal, but i just got a box o' chocolates from a good friend. i'm all good now.
Trust me, every time you think about checking on him - think of the worst thing you could possibly find and remember that awful squishy feeling you get in your tummy when bad stuff happens.
Think: "Nope not this time"
if friends call and ask you about him or if you've talked to him say "nope" don't talk about him don't check on him
no no no hiiiiim!
ok so nic, you totally inspired me today. needed some new ideas in my head of how to deal with this. so the being mean to myself bit and the not talking about him when friends comment totally gave me the solution for me! its like this: basically he is finding a way to deal with this by:
1) not talking to friends about me when they ask -- i know this cuz i've asked him what he says to them...
2) not keeping track of what's going on in my world
3) going out and getting much more active in his social life and also working a lot more.
Ok, so it seems to be working like a charm for him. And our lives were so similar...our viewpoints were so similar...I'm seriously thinking this would be key to getting him erased from my heart too. So, ok for at least till the end of pxxi, i won't write posts about him..."nope, not this time" ;)
Aww Jenn... don't check his blog. I know that horrible feeling when you find out that he's totally OK without you.
I think the being mean thing is smart. I used to post mean messages to myself, especially around my phone, so that I wouldn't call. It didn't really work, until HE sent me something mean. Then I just think of that and I resist calling.
Remind yourself of a time when he treated you like you're dead to him. That should either depress you or anger you. Either way, it will do the trick.
My day 2 is pretty much failed too. I'm so weak. Nic needs to yell at me too.
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