Surviving This Breakup : PXXI Day 7 Kicking it Up A Notch
So woke up today feeling more focused. Faint sad feelings still there. Had a vivid dream of us together last nite. But it was just a dream.
Why is common sense forgotten during the devastating pain of a breakup? I obviously have all of you to help me through this breakup, but I have felt an incredible sense of solitude and somehow sometimes feel like no one else has ever really felt the depth of loss that I feel. I'm so far away from blondie and his resolve to be over this is so strong. I think he no longer feels the loss or misses me. I may never see him again if I don't hit the conference circuit again. This is so huge, and this is where common sense would pay off well...but all I do about this hard reality is cry uncontrollably. Not today...not day 7.
I kinda think the first 7 days of pxxi were important to just keep me from sending emails or IMs to blondie. But I can't say I was perfect. I broke down a couple of times and went to his site and forum. Even so, all in all, I can say I have definitely made progress. Now it's time to kick things up a notch. Instead of being so unstructured with pxxi, for the next 14 days of the program, I'm going to do something to help me fucking survive this. Even something small.
I've been real good about meeting new people, especially online, so I'll keep those relationships up. But I really need to do something much different. I've got an idea for a website that has absolutely nothing to do with relationships or breakups. I'm going to spend this week getting that site put together. I'll need to interview someone in that field so I make sure to get my facts straight, but this is my new project for the week. I laid the groundwork for it a while ago, so I should be able to complete it within a 7 day timeframe.
I'm also going to write again whenever an emotion overtakes me. The writing is just for me. Breaks every rule of good poetry or prose. But I need to get this stuff out of my head and on the screen to help me get over it. So the feelings that dripped out this morning are below. I almost wish you guys didn't have to see it cuz it's truly bad writing, but I guess that's all part of it for me to survive this breakup.
I'm pretty sure that I finally understand that we are indeed prolly not getting back together. And so I am starting to deal with the breakup in that sense. I am at the point now that I have to survive this breakup with as little damage as possible, and then heal and move on. I have tried to rush some steps. Wanted to go right to the moving on phase, but for all of you that have read my blog from the beginning...you see that's failed miserably.
So for those of you who are doing pxxi with me, the best to you for the next 14 days. Try to structure your healing process up a bit too. Just planning things out like this is already helping me. Nothing is strictly linear with a breakup, I'm finding...but I think at least trying to survive the breakup and move on is gonna help either way...much more than staying in the devastation of the breakup. *Hugs* to you all...keep hanging in there.
Morning tunes. You can listen to a sample of the songs by clicking on the links:
Tidalwave -- Longwave
Mexican Wine -- Fountains of Wayne
California One/Youth And Beauty Brigade
Blizzard Of '77 -- Nada Surf
Why is common sense forgotten during the devastating pain of a breakup? I obviously have all of you to help me through this breakup, but I have felt an incredible sense of solitude and somehow sometimes feel like no one else has ever really felt the depth of loss that I feel. I'm so far away from blondie and his resolve to be over this is so strong. I think he no longer feels the loss or misses me. I may never see him again if I don't hit the conference circuit again. This is so huge, and this is where common sense would pay off well...but all I do about this hard reality is cry uncontrollably. Not today...not day 7.
I kinda think the first 7 days of pxxi were important to just keep me from sending emails or IMs to blondie. But I can't say I was perfect. I broke down a couple of times and went to his site and forum. Even so, all in all, I can say I have definitely made progress. Now it's time to kick things up a notch. Instead of being so unstructured with pxxi, for the next 14 days of the program, I'm going to do something to help me fucking survive this. Even something small.
I've been real good about meeting new people, especially online, so I'll keep those relationships up. But I really need to do something much different. I've got an idea for a website that has absolutely nothing to do with relationships or breakups. I'm going to spend this week getting that site put together. I'll need to interview someone in that field so I make sure to get my facts straight, but this is my new project for the week. I laid the groundwork for it a while ago, so I should be able to complete it within a 7 day timeframe.
I'm also going to write again whenever an emotion overtakes me. The writing is just for me. Breaks every rule of good poetry or prose. But I need to get this stuff out of my head and on the screen to help me get over it. So the feelings that dripped out this morning are below. I almost wish you guys didn't have to see it cuz it's truly bad writing, but I guess that's all part of it for me to survive this breakup.
I'm pretty sure that I finally understand that we are indeed prolly not getting back together. And so I am starting to deal with the breakup in that sense. I am at the point now that I have to survive this breakup with as little damage as possible, and then heal and move on. I have tried to rush some steps. Wanted to go right to the moving on phase, but for all of you that have read my blog from the beginning...you see that's failed miserably.
So for those of you who are doing pxxi with me, the best to you for the next 14 days. Try to structure your healing process up a bit too. Just planning things out like this is already helping me. Nothing is strictly linear with a breakup, I'm finding...but I think at least trying to survive the breakup and move on is gonna help either way...much more than staying in the devastation of the breakup. *Hugs* to you all...keep hanging in there.
Erasure
Our life, our love. Erasure has left no history during the day - but memories rush in during the night like a band of enemies.
Love found, love shared, love lost. Free falling.
Crazy, surreal, beautiful, messed up, confused, complex.
Origami papers, dream notebook, tshirt with your sweet scent, pictures of you. Cold, crying, broken, abandoned, unforgiven. The last things we shared.
We were true, hearts beat as one, faint traces of our life together remain. Deep impressions on my heart that cannot be completely erased.
Morning tunes. You can listen to a sample of the songs by clicking on the links:
Tidalwave -- Longwave
Mexican Wine -- Fountains of Wayne
California One/Youth And Beauty Brigade
Blizzard Of '77 -- Nada Surf
posted by Jenn at 8:20:00 AM
2 Comments:
stop thinking about THE BREAK UP and start thinking about YOURSELF
:) you're not THAT bad haha!
yeah...why is not thinking about either blondie or the breakup one of the hardest things to do??
but my little project for the next 7 days will help with that...it also spawned other project ideas as well. so i'm thinking a little more about myself. so not only will i be a cold hearted bitch, i'll be a selfish cold hearted bitch on top of it all...hahaha.
also gonna read some books. i'm totally on a mission for the last 2 weeks of this!
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