1/13/2006

Without Him

Gosh, I've had a really productive week. I'm almost feeling high on work. I know, that sounds kinda sad...but compared to the depths of hades I've been living in these past few months, I'm thinking being a workaholic kinda rules right now.

So I had a little bit of IM fun with blondie this week...and a lot of stuff in his world that might kinda affect me has happened too. I have no idea what the status is on anything there with him. And, other than worrying a bit about my shit, I'm ok with not knowing absolutely everything that is going on with him.

What I'm feeling right now is a little bit of chill. I'm just not crying all the time because I miss him. I cried today for about 10 seconds, and then I got back to my life. I miss him. But it doesn't hurt as bad. For the past few nights, I haven't darkened my pillowcase with tears over our breakup. And I can focus on work and my mind even stills more when I do yoga in the morning.

I'm lonely without him, and almost homesick, if that makes any sense. I miss being in the same apartment with him for weeks at a time before I go home to my own apartment. I miss standing behind him while he cooks or does whatever and hugging him. I even miss him telling me not to hug him cuz he's holding a knife, or whatever...hahahaa. Sometimes I just couldn't resist tho...he just always smelled so good...and his chest was so muscular...loved to feel it. I just loved being close to him.

But now I just have to move on with my life without him...hope we find our way back to each other again sometime. We were good together.

Seriously...how does my player know my mood?? Maybe it's just spooky cuz its Friday the 13th.
Track: A Movie Script Ending -- DCFC -- Album:The Photo Album
Track: Heaven Knows -- Rise Against -- Album:Revolutions Per Minute

2 Comments:

Blogger Caro said...

music players are psychic. i read an article about it. really, it's science. :-)

i'm so very proud of you. i think i'm at about the same spot as you--no more crazy sobbing. but every so often tears just come out of my eyes. and then i have the power to get it together. yay, control! but i totally hear you, there seems to finally be a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. i knew it'd come!

1/14/2006 12:10:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I feel the same way that you do.

It was indeed fun while it lasted, but it didn't last for a reason.

Time for Plan B.

It'll work out. For you and for all of us.

1/14/2006 12:38:00 AM  

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