2/02/2006

Packing My Bags

so i came here with 3 suitcases...but now i have a whole lot more than that. x-mas, family and friends, amazon and zappos pretty much loaded me up with so much shit, i'm gonna have to face the difficult decision of what things to leave and what to take with me to maine.

good thing is theres not really that much to worry about. just a few bags to pack. then, i leave in a little over a week, i'll fly out to meet up with trev, and we'll head to the east coast.

i'm so scared. but i'm excited. this is the biggest move i've ever made cuz i'm not going there with a best friend or a boyfriend. i do have a friend there that i'll be staying with for the first month till my place gets furnished, and i love the people i will be working with. but this is a huge change for me. i guess after a huge breakup like this, it's prolly the best thing for me. i've got to move on completely. blondie did mention a possibility of us getting back together, but i'm starting to see now that it was more him just being the nice guy that he is. he didn't want to hurt me anymore than i already was hurting. so props to him for that. but i'm not holding out hope anymore. he doesn't contact me at all, so i'm just gonna follow his lead, and move on. (i'll miss going to ikea and your monster shopping trips with you, yo)

and so next week i'm moving to a place i know nothing about. and i'm going to have to buy all new furniture. and get my arse out there and make all new friends to geek it up with. and start having fun again. and find a yoga or pilates studio. and use my paints. and..and...yeah. i'm starting over. it's fucking terrifying. but so the right thing.

wow. this is one of those 'when one door closes, another one opens' moments. amazing how fucking scary it is. absolutely knee-knocking terrifying. but i'm ready for this.

**

on another note. i just want to send an open apology to any of the dudes i've chatted with that i've been a bitch to. i think i've taken out my hurt collectively on all guys. i just want to apologize for that. thank you guys for supporting me thru this. you're amazing.

**

looking at the amazing painting trev did for me. it is a bunny-man standing in front of a background that swirls and moves. the bunny-man doesn't have a normal face like with eyes, nose, ears...but instead he's got the word BREATHE spelled backward on his face. when he would look into a mirror, he would always see that reminder to breathe. that's what i need to remember. just breathe. slow my breathing and my heart. and just do shit that needs to be done and dont be such a scared bunny.

bring it.


so much eclectic good music tonite during this post:
Autorelocator -- At The Drive-In
Dial: Revenge -- Mogwai
Trust Me -- Viva Death
The District Sleeps Alone Tonight -- The Postal Service
Alone in Kyoto -- Air

8 Comments:

Blogger msmachine said...

I know you are scared but you are still doing it and that is the definiation of brave to me. You are so amazing. You go girl!

2/02/2006 08:31:00 PM  
Blogger sassinak said...

you go jenn

set yourself free, it's uplifting.

also? there is NOTHING nice about lying to someone when their heart is involved. if you think you'll never get together or ever get back together then say so.

there is no nice answer that isn't clear.

2/02/2006 09:59:00 PM  
Blogger PinkBunny said...

It's so great that you're going to get a totally new home environment! Change is scary... but it's also so exciting! You're going to have so much fun meeting new people and wowing them with being you!

Go Jenn!

2/03/2006 02:46:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

There seems to be a collective "holding of breath" for you in anticipation of you being a success in life, career, and in person.

Rah, rah, rah!!

(Wait. How can I hold my breath and cheer for you at the same time?)

Oh well. Good luck and knock em dead!

2/03/2006 07:29:00 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

did somebody say france????

2/03/2006 09:29:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

twisted: so if i can do it, you can too ;) hope all is well with you.

sass: yeah, free! go ME! and...word. but you know i can say nothing bad about him.

pb: is it great? ok, ok...great! so scary, will be more excited after i get there, i guess. and gosh you are the BEST cheerleader ever. seriously, after reading your comment, i'm kinda thinking that maybe i will have a little fun. :)

dearest robert: yeah!

alt: you're the best male cheerleader ever!! is that cuz you want pancakes with maple syrup from maine? ;) hope so, cuz i don't bite hard, unless you're into that kind of thing...lol

discom: me too...cuz you're there. we'd party and i'd be in your party pics...woooo! maybe someday.

robert sweetie: PLAYER!

sass: i'm planning on retiring there ;)

2/03/2006 03:22:00 PM  
Blogger Hubris said...

A great moving on post. Way to Wake From a Coma, sweetie. And good luck

2/03/2006 04:02:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

hubris: what a nice comment. and i think i am waking up...it was a loooong coma. who cries over their ex this long?? doh!

2/03/2006 04:20:00 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home