1/30/2006

Busted

one thing i always loved about my little blog was the anonymity. i always felt like there was pretty much no way that blondie would ever happen upon this piece. he doesn't care about the emo shit i write about here. and i take pretty great pains to keep this blog available only to people who are interested in the subject matter.

but...last nite the impossible happened.

blondie joined technorati and fucking technorati says breakup blog links to his blog...94 fucking days ago!! so out of curiosity, i'm sure, he clicks through to breakup blog and finds shit i never intended him to see. he poked around here for a few minutes before prolly leaving in horror.

before this was breakup blog, it was just another shite personal blog of mine...i've had this blog address for a year and a half, i guess. and i was pretty sure blondie totally forgot about it...he has not been here at all, until fucking technorati gave him ancient information. maybe sometime in early '05, i guess i had a link to his blog...but goddam, fucking update my entry already techorati!!! i ping you every time i post, i cannot believe you are linking to links on my blog that were deleted almost 4 months ago AND mixing it up with content that is on the fucking blog now!!! there are NO links to his sites...cuz i didn't want this shit to happen...but, good ol' technorati outed me by posting outdated info. godDAMN!

so yeah, i'm talking freely about all of this because i am willing to bet money that blondie will never come back here again. this is just not his idea of a constructive use of his time. plus he knows i get wet over log analysis, so he knows that i know that he was here and where he went while he was here.

i forgot i had my msn on today, and after work he logged on, as usual. at the time that he logged on, i was still numb, cuz i had just looked thru my logs and saw that he found the site thru technorati. i fucking almost passed out when i saw that. but anyway, so he logs onto msn, i had my usual private wig like i do when he logs on...but i had NO temptation to message him. i'm totally mortified. my only consolation is that i know he's not overly curious about this shit. he won't ever bring it up, and i fucking aint gonna say anything about it either. it's just gonna be this stupid secret we both know about, but wont ever bring up. and the thing is, we both know it. i just dont have the heart for the wigginess that will happen if i bring it up.

i am pretty sure that his heart isn't softened by what he read here...and i'm fucking pissed that he found it the way he did. fucking technorati.

oh well...it changes nothing...unless he wants it to.

crazy song playing:
i specialize in lonliness -- boy george

14 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

whoa!

Thia will be one helluva test of your resolve.

Be true and strong...

1/30/2006 11:50:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

dude, this changes nothing except for the fact that i've been outed by a fucking quirk on technorati.

like what am i going to say to blondie about it? it would be too weird...and he's likely not gonna come back here again anyway...makes it a bit easier for me not to talk to him cuz i am now embarassed that he saw this. would be nice if he were some sentimental schmoe that is moved enough to take me back, but he's not (at least i dont think he is).

1/31/2006 12:05:00 AM  
Blogger ExBF said...

Yikes! My worst nightmare (or, second worst, anyway...). Hang in there, hon...hope the fallout isnt too great

1/31/2006 01:01:00 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

holy hell

fuckin technorati!!

he's known for a while though, and he hasn't brought it up and it hasn't changed anything...

so? why worry? it is what it is, regardless of his knowledge.

1/31/2006 07:12:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

x: yeah sucks dude. i think we should run off together as the technorati breakup king and queen, never to be found by exes again. i'm sure that'll make me get over blondie already.

elle: no, i don't think he's known at all...i've checked my logs back over a year ago, and he hasn't been here at all. from what i can tell, he just found out a couple of nites ago for the first time.

but yeah, it is what it is. i'm getting my shit together, and that's not changing. so i just gotta not worry.

sigh...

1/31/2006 07:33:00 AM  
Blogger Lance said...

Fuck!

enough said.

1/31/2006 08:11:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

lsd: muthah fuckin word.

oh well

1/31/2006 08:35:00 AM  
Blogger Lisa V said...

the same thing happened to me. my guy found my blog and read and read and read and i wanted to die. didn't want to keep writing. the only way i could write what i was writing was to know that no one i actually knew read it. now i write with a perpetual fear of someone finding it and not being happy with what they read. and my blog entries aren't nearly as interesting as they were when i was unbridled and honest. like dancing when no one's watching. be brave. keep posting. fuck him.

2/01/2006 03:55:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

lisa v: yeah i remember reading the time when you mentioned being found. it's completely the worst thing. my anonymity was so tight till he found that outdated link.

interestingly, he didn't read thru the comments at all while he was here...so that may be where i write a lot of stuff...although i really dont think it matters where i write. he's not coming back here. he's very predictable with stuff like this. he doesn't get sentimental...plus i think this might have horrified him more than anything. he's very private with emotions and such...so he will be sure to keep away from it...especially since he knows i know he was here.

geezus.

i'm quite sure that what i write from here on will go unread by him. i'm going to keep writing. it's not anonymous anymore, he knows where to find me now, but its also just not his thing. i'm just embarrased that he happened upon it, but i'm not worried about posting from here on out.

2/01/2006 04:30:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

ok...so i'm posting this in my comments just in case...

so i actually wrote technorati this message:
"I am listed as linking to a site that I do not actually link to anymore, and haven't for MONTHS...and would like to be removed from. The search that lists me as linking to this site is:
http://technorati.com/search/www.theloveof
mylifewhorejectedme.net
(not his real url)
He's kinda my exbf and found my blog thru this search. Stupid, I know, but can you somehow remove my blog from this search since I do not actually link to his blog?

Thanks,
Jenn"

hahaha...the technorati customer service people will prolly have a good laugh from that...but geezus. it had to be done.

2/01/2006 06:32:00 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

what is technorati?

2/04/2006 02:15:00 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

hey nic! whaddup??
i might shut down this blog after all
and start something a little more
positive...but click the link for technorati.

how's school?

2/04/2006 02:29:00 PM  
Blogger Nic said...

i got my test scores back - i'm luckily in the top of my class

let me know the new site - if it stops being upbeat i'll throw in some whoopass haha!

:)

2/05/2006 11:05:00 AM  
Blogger Jenn said...

nic!! congrats! thats so awesome...

yeah, i'll let everyone know the new blog when i get it up...definitely a positive thing.

2/05/2006 02:53:00 PM  

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